Alan Stealth V 2.0

It's over...
For real this time.

A much needed update...

Shit, where to start, loads of stuff has happened.
Some of it good, some of it bad, but I regret nothing.
I just wish things could've come out in a better order.
But Ive got my fingers crossed and I know I'm not the only one hoping that things are going to turn out for the best.

Just at home at the moment kaning, been on the bottle bags heavy.
Fuck all to do really, even though I still have over half of Duckboy today.
I've got the rest of the week to do it....and I don't have much weed left.
Trying to think of some tracks to download...there's a few by Obie Trice that I want.
I don't know...I'm so kaned now I'm surprised this even makes sense.
I need to straighten my head out Uni in less than a week.
I spoke to Simon today as well, and as well as delivering a much needed update on the whereabouts of my £170 he owes me he also offered to do a talk at my University.
How much are my University going to love me?
So everything's all good apart from the fact that I kaned a lot of money.

Well I'm looking forward to the next few weeks as they are going to prove very interesting, and with a bit of luck I hope they'll be some sunshine on the other side.
Love to the people who deserve it, hate to the people who deserve that.
x x

Insurrextion.

I'm sat in Charlie's room ALL pissed up.
She got me pissed its all her fault.
And we done some coke that was her fault too.
Charlie's a bad influence.
She is.
Somehow I ended up in Wotton instead of at University.
And slowly my life slips from me, and my mind is slipping faster and faster away from me, and we have no smoke we have no smoke.
We have no smoke.
Charlie, FUCK FUCK FUCKEDFUCKDEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
That is charlie attempt at writing.
he he he he he hbehe
tqwa\gef
hsgf
jndgf
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ytdjdtk

Brief update really, my phone line works!
As most of my friends and family know, I've been phoning everyone it's all good.
I got another 1/8 cuz I wanted a smoke, and have just been working on Duckboy and kaning all weekend I'm almost half way through now.
I might have to slow down this week though, because I've got some work to do.

Feeling quite happy now, especially with the news that everyone's coming down again at the end of January.
I love it when a plan comes together.

Anyway, I must return to the confinement of my room, I only came out to get a HB pencil, and I ended up in college photocopying Duckboy.
I'm now getting into the very difficult club scenes, which take hours to draw due to the sheer amount of figures I have to draw to highlight the fact that it is a packed club.
Hopefully the comic should be finished by next weekend, ready to send out on Monday.
YAY!

And hey Charlie, up at 6am, I got that...hee, thanks for my making my 2003 great too, I had a great time getting wrecked.

So with everyone addressed I'm now returning home...
The update's will get better soon I promise...
Something deep maybe.
Maybe.
Peace out.

Well I finally finished my essay.
And now I'm purchasing some weed and I'm going to get high.
So you can all suck my dick...
especially you Brigit...he he.
Only kidding.
I'm out.
x x x

This update is probably going to be a bit all over the place because I'm just trying to distract myself from my fucking essay...
It's my own fault for being so cocky leaving it till last minute painting this image of myself as some sort of Genius that can write essays on anything without researching.
Don't get me wrong I am a genius, but not as clever as I thought.
There's always room for a genius to get cleverer...

*Sorted out my phone line today...
that's write I will be in the phone book!
I'm going to rip out the page and stick it in my book.
I'll have internet by next week or something... I just hope that Dreamkey 3.0 is compatible with some sort of Messenger service otherwise it's going to be a bit short lived.
But at least people can call me!
I'll give my number to everyone whose important so call me people...but not for a few days...I need to get some work done!

*I can't remember if I mentioned but I have a new stereo system it is fucking banging...and I mean banging, G G G G G G G G-Unit!

*G-Unit's album is amazing if you haven't bought it (and why not?) download 15) "G'd Up" 13) "Salute U" 14) "Beg For Mercy" 3)"My Buddy" and 18) "I Smell Pussy"... to name just a few of the best.
The album is banging, I thought it was shit first of all and there are a couple of week "Ja Rule R'N'B" tracks, but I think they're just taking the piss.
Whatever, G-Unit for life nigga!

*This essay is gay.

* I want to write a whole rap about loyalty, and my nigga Myles.
He really likes the tracks on the G-Unit album that refer to loyalty and the like...
I'll start work on it in a bit after Duckboy.

* Not very far into my essay, but the stupid computers are shit and apparently I'm running low on "virtual memory" so I better shut this window down.
God, I wish I could write my essay as fast as I can write an update I'd have it done in about an hour!
Well wish me luck nigga!
x x x

"I'm amazing,
I'm crazy,
The hood has made me,
Feel like my emotions are froze.
It's the things that I've seen,
And the shit I've been through,
That made my heart turn cold."
- 50 Cent

ATTENTION:
Mr. or Mrs Anonymous, why don't you leave your name?
If my journals getting boring - don't fucking read it.
Clearly you don't have the first idea of what's going on in my life, and standing back making useless comments is not going to help me.
Whoever you are, if you got some more shit to say tell me who you are.

"How the fuck can I respond and put you to shame,
If you won't even leave your mother fucking name."

Now that's out of the way I can just give a brief run down of my Christmas holidays, shortly I should be getting internet at my place so my updates will be a lot longer,
That's bad new's for the Mr or Mrs Anonymous,
And good news for the rest of the world.

So my Christmas break mainly consisted of drugs.
Lots of Cocaine, Pills and Weed.

I am still fucked.

On New Years Eve Myles, Nat, Charlie, Bennett and myself came down to Cardiff.
We had a banging time, as soon as we arrived we were snorting coke, and doing Pills, by the time we got to the club we were all pretty wrecked.
As I dropped my second pill in the club, I didn't feel so good.
My vision actually became like an 8mm film including the edges of the film, and everyone was vibrating slightly.
I was pretty sketched out and spent the New Year countdown and beyond throwing up.
Which was good.

A couple of hours later we went back to my house, and we did the remaining drugs until it was 8am.
When we awoke next day Bennett and I were still completely fucked so we lay about in bed just moving to roll spliff's and toke bongs.
I forgot to mention, being the "Connect maan" I am, (ha ha.) I managed to sort out an ounce of Purple Haze.
So we were fucked completely stoned for like 24 hours.
And then it was gone.
And so were my friends....

They left on January 2nd, and I've spent all of my time since then trying to grasp reality and failing badly.
I can hear whispering, I keep hallucinating, I keep "coming up" at the stupidest times, and worst of all I can't sleep.
I think this is what addiction feels like.

We have literally spent the whole holidays doing Class A's.
And then...Cold Turkey.
It's hard, some weed or block would be nice, as bed time for me has been usually about 5 - 6am.
I had to get up at 9am this morning - I feel exhausted.
But I am not tired.
I tried to sleep this afternoon and couldn't.
I;m not eating either.
I just want to get all this down in my journal so I can look back on it and laugh one day....
Or give the coroner an easier time defining the cause of death.
Urghh...
I feel so sick.

I bought a new stereo system, it is fucking banging - 250 watts RMS has helped drain out the whispers I keep hearing.
And while I'm in this fucked up state I've decided to start work on the newest cartoon that I am determined to finish.

DUCKBOY III

It's all about drugs.
The series Duckboy 3 will contain 5 episodes;
1) "E"
2) Spliff
3) Enter: The Bennetto
4) The Big "C"
5) Comedown

I've already finished scripting the first episode and I'm currently illustrating it.
I reckon I'll have the series finished by Easter.
I'm determined to do this...
I want a very detailed and relevant cartoon, addressing contemperary social views and ideas, such as drugs.

Yes I'm sure every artist who does drugs wants to wield its powers within his/her works, but I'm not doing so much for anything - more for my friends.
Natalie, Myles, Charlie, Bennett - I had the best New Years ever, and one of my most memorable Christmas's for years thanks to these guys.
I couldn't buy them anything because of my careless spending habits, but I can capture the feeling of that night, in these 5 episodes which will actually star them along side Duckboy.
I want them to be able to dig the comic out in years to come and remember that night.
I love all my friends so much, they have helped give me the power to continue.

I managed to speak to Brigit over Christmas which was cool, cuz I haven't spoke to her properly for ages.
We had a lot of catching up to do.
....

Well all in all it was a great Christmas, ever since I got past the age of 14 Christmas lost it's magic.

This year the magic was there again.

Thanks to everyone who made my Christmas the best;
Myles (MY NIGGA FOR LIFE)
Bennett (for being my toking, snorting and bosching partner!)
Natalie (For just being her loveable self)
Charlie (My new sister!)

Vanessa & Luke (for getting fucked with us over New Year's)
Shawn & Calv (Go easy on the Class A's boys!)
Brigit (for being my wife!!!)

All my family, (it's got considerably bigger!)

Welcome to another year!
2004!

I already wrote an update but computer crashed.
Gay.
So.
Highlights of previous update:

* Kaned 3 G's of Cocaine and 2 ounces of Smoke Saturday Night
(That's £200 to everyone who don't speak the jargon)

*It was cool

*Tim and Cocaine will be meeting again very soon

*Umm...oh yeah,
Gloucester is as shit as ever.
Been back a few days, and although it is my hometown, it's a bit shit to be honest.
Just catching the whispers of the lives I used to be entwined with, really made me think.
Who are these people really?
Do they really matter to me?

All those people that fell through the safety net and actually thought they made an impact on my life...
bah.
Your nobodies to me, I can't even remember most of your names.
"She's going out with him, who's friends with that kid, you know him, remember him Tim?"

- NO.

No I don't remember these people.
No I don't care about these people.
And lastly, who in God's name told you I gave a shit about who's going out with who.

I really at one point couldn't wait to come home and become the celebrity I was literally months ago.
But now...now I can't be bothered.
Let's just face it people - I'm a bad guy.
I can pretend as much as I like but I'm the bad guy.
I don't love or care about loads of people, and I'd just as much stand by and let anyone get a kick in then intterupt or join in.
So everyone who can't deal with that - Fuck you!
I'm Gloucester city's original number one BAD GUY!

Did you really think that it was over when you hung up the phone and said goodnight?
And did you ever think that it would be too much?
I can't leave without saying goodbye.
So did you really think that you could take it?
Could you make it alone tonight?

I never could have hoped for anything more.
Be my angel if you can, alright.
You always say goodnight, and you always say goodnight.
So baby did you sleep an hour for me?
How I wish I was there right now.
I wasn't going to tell you I could change things.
I'm afraid I never will know how.
But I don't really think that I can take it.
Will I make it alone somehow?
So hold me in your arms before I leave you.
I'll be back as soon as time allows.
You always say goodnight, and you always say goodnight.

Goodnight.

What a weekend.
In the middle of art history friday morning I get a text message saying that Myles, and Vhonskie are coming down tonight.
I was like WOAH.
As the day went on I was kind of excited so I went home and tidied my room.
Then I fell asleep, and spoke to Myles when I woke up and now Calvin and Shaun were coming too!
SAFE!
Well everyone arrived and we went straight upstairs to kane, and how very smoky and messy my room suddenly got.
Then Luke arrived with pills and I gave one to Shaun and one to Calvin.
I had one mysefl but they were not normal size, they were like the size of two pills stuck together, so we cut our son half and set off.
We were going to some club to see some famous DJ but I didn't know or care who it was, that kind of Hard House music is not my scene.
Well we bought more pills in the club, and I started to feel pretty fucked so we decided we would go home.
We got home and "got our smoke on" then about half hour later Vanessa and everyone arrived.
It wa sabout two, and we all went into Vanessa's room to smoke and chill.
Vhonskie who had just been drinking all night went to bed shortly after, and then it just got mental.
Shaun was off his face and had chewed his pre-purchased dummy to pieces literally...I've never seen nothing like it.
He wanted some music and I set him up with some, he was very happy, dancing away.
Calvin was off his face too, but holding it together a little better.
Well, there wa sa lot of love in the room I think, but it began fading along with everyone's energy.

A lot more happened in this time but I can't be fucke dto write about it and I don't know I like the fact that it's between a group of friends.
The thing with pills is you share an experience with people you would not feel comfortable sharing in a "normal" state.
A completely sexless feeling, it has nothing to do with your physical attraction towards the person.
It's just your on another wave length, everyone should try ectasy.
The government don't like pills cuz if everyone was on pills they'd have nothing to fight for, no one would give a fuck, everyone would want to help and love everyone.
Ectasy has changed the way I think and act, not because I'm addicted, but just because for like 6 hours or longer your mindset completely changes, the way your used to thinking is absolutely different.
Once you've thought like that a few times you realise and remember it.
Then you start making comparisons.
I really wish everyone I've ever knew could meet me on pills.
I know I've pissed so many people off for stupid things I've done, really stupid irrelevant things, and if I could go back and change it I would.
If they could see me when I'm all wrecked, they'd realise I'm just a guy with a lot of highly strung opinions, and that's all I have to give and offer.

Well Saturday, I slept the entire day and felt pretty rough waking up.
Myles h ad been shopping a nd it sucked that I didn't get to spend much time awake with him, but he knows and knew.

It was wierd they were gone, before I even realised they were here.
I miss my life back home, I hate being here now.
My housemates are okay, but they are all girls and as cool as they can be, I just find myself ejecting from situations.
none of them are really with it, with what I alk about, it's like talking to a cow.
It can hear you but any response is not related.

I've got a few New Years resolutions to give up soon, I'll keep you posted and hopefully my Dreamcast will be going online in 2004.
Which means journal updates will maybe be more regular and if I can find a way somehow people might be able to talk to me via some sort of message service.

I got to go, I got a painting to do.
Oh yeah, and I'm running out of food, it just gets better huh?

I'm bored.
Christmas plans with Myles and stuff have highlighted my life as utterly boring here at University and I'm just looking forward to being on drugs more than I am waking up each morning.
Perhaps now I am slipping into the seventh circle of hell, known to all and sundry as...
Addiction.

ATTENTION:
All the names in this may or may not be fictious.
Use of illegal drugs is not promoted and I could just be making this all up to make myself look bad ass.
So there.


The weekend.
Yes it arrived.
The Rock FINALLY returned to Gloucester Wednesday night.

I left a little early cuz I got in an argument with one of my housemates, and got all moody so just thought fuck it and left.
Of course I had to take my Dreamcast with me, along with Seaman...5 days without me and he'd die!

Getting off the train in Gloucester was an emotional moment for me.
Walking all the way home, just taking in the subtle sites that are Gloucester without looming buildings and shopping malls.
I went to see Ella on my way home, who has been texting me a lot recently.
It was so good to face this girl without any feelings for her apart from friendly ones.
We chatted for a while and then I continued my plod home until I finally reached my Mum's house and knocked on the door.
"Room for one more?" I said as she opened the door.
She was very happy to see me, as were my little brothers and Jaidee.
I played on Smackdown 5 with my little brothers which is totally amazing the people actually bleed!
Well Myles came to pick me up, and although I felt a bit bad about seeing my Mum and family for the best part of 2 hours, she didn't seem to mind.
Myles was with Natalie and now he can drive!
It was cool to see them both again, and we went back to Wotton not before dropping Natalie off at hers, with promise of seeing her over the weekend.
Myles and I chatted and got back to his to a barrage of people running to hug me.
There was Taela and Otis, and then Myles' Mum.
The night went on with Chris and Joshy making appearances towards the end.
It was so good to be home, have a spliff and just chill with my friends.
Myles had work next morning infortunately, so we had a few more spliffs and went to bed.
By the time I woke up in the morning Myles had gone, so I set up my Dreamcast and sorted out Seaman.
Myles then phoned saying there had been an accident at work, so he told me to phone Calvin and tell him to pick him up.
I phoned Calvin and he was very happy to here from me, as was his brother Shaun.
Shaun came down to pick me up, and we went up to his for a smoke.
Then we went to pick Myles up and Calvin impressed us with an incredible "Reverse 180", we then discussed robbing a bank.
We stopped for a smoke, then went back to Myles.
We went our seperate ways a bit later after showing Calv and Shaun the Seaman came.
Later we went up Bennett's who wa shappy to see me also.
We kaned some at Bennett's then we headed back home.
We sorted out Cradle 2 THe Grave from a mate of Myles and then we went to sleep after it finished.
Myles had work next day and I didn't get up till mid afternoon.
I was meant to go back to see my Aunty but obviously because I didn't get up in time I didn't.
Well Natalie came down on the bus so we chilled with her for a bit, just smoking and messing about.
We ordered pizza, and just chilled until Myles got tired, so I went downstairs to give them "privacy".
I was just dropping off when Charlie and Kim arrived.
Charlie is my "sister".
See Myles family had me to stay last summer, and that makes me their "brother".
Well before me there was Charlie, she's the "sister" I never met.
Kim is one of Taela's old friends that I knew from last summer.
They had been out I'm not sure where, but it was clear they were on something...and Charlie revealed she had some Cocaine.
YAY!
So I tried that, it was pretty cool stuff although the buzz don't last that long.
Then Charlie said she had some pills upstairs so we got on them to, snorting them and boshing them.
It was so great.
We chatted the night away and Kim went upstairs, Charlie and I continued to chat the night away.
I have such a great new sister!
A girl that's a mess head that's always a great quality!
Well I somehow fell asleep and woke up mid afternoon, with Myles going nuts because we had no smoke left.
He noticed me clenching my jaw and asked if I'd been pilling. Not wanting to get Charlie into trouble (Just in case.) I said no.
Calvin came round and sorted me out some pills!
It was the engagement party tonight so I wanted to get wrecked!
Well eventually he went out and got some, then he came back and had a kane.
Then he and Natalie chipped off to the shop, so I took the spliff into Charlie and Taela's room (Taela kindly let Charlie stay in there too) so Charlie could have a bit on the spliff.
She was all curled up in bed, and stayed that way for the rest of the day!

Well Myles came back and so we kaned for a bit more, then headed back to Gloucester as I had some commitments.
First we went to see my Dad see if he was okay.
Apart from now sporting a goatee he seems fine.
It was good to see him again, it feels like ages since I last seen him.
Then we went on to my Uncle's 40th birthday party.
We stayed there for a bit, and Myles met a lot of my family, who had all heard about him.
He must've felt like a celebrity, as all manner of different people approached him.
Well after a photo with my little brothers, Natalie and Myles we had to head back, as time was getting on and we had two more pressing engagement's.
We flew back to Wotton, for Danny Tomlin's engagement party and Calvin sorted me out with my 4 pills.
We stayed at the party for a while and then went back home where Bennett declared he and Clavin were going to Capone's in Dursley.
After a little convincing Myles and Natalie decided they'd come so I went to see if Charlie wanted to come.
She did and after giving Bennett a couple of little ones and Charlie one - one myself, we headed to Dursley.
The club was pretty shit and empty, although I was feeling pretty fucked.
For some reason I got on the shots of Vodka which did not go down well.
Ging approached me in the club and asked if I wanted anymore Pills, so I bought another one and was off my face.
I just can't deal with pills they just wreck me!
Soon I was throwing up, (it was the Vodka I know it was the vodka I felt fine!) and soon we were off.
We stopped for a smoke, then sat in Myles room till the early hours kaning.
Then Bennett Charlie and Me resided in her room for another spliff, and we all fell asleep.
Next morning, Bennett was up rolling a spliff before anyone else, and he did so much last inght...he really is a machine.
I was still fucked and just managed to respond to Calvin as he walked through the door.
He'd been up all night and had not yet slept.
Well the day went very slow and blurry, with Myles Natlaie and I just chilling in the bedroom, Charlie slept all day she must've been fucked.
Well that was pretty much my weekend, although I don't remember large chunks of it, I still had a lot of fun, and can't wait till Christmas.
I got to go people, I didn't get back till last night, and I haven't done any work yet!
Laters...

Brigit -- Just like Brigit you have WAY too much
candy but all that candy is not as sweet as
you. Deep down you're a pervert and your mind
is in the gutter. You spend more than half of
your life asleep, and your showers are WAY too
long! You're the chick of the group, but you're
not a Tom Boy...sooo, basically, you're the
whore of the group!


Spencer's majniffical friends--which one are you?
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You are Morpheus, from "The Matrix." You
have strong faith in yourself and those around
you. A true leader, you are relentless in your
persuit.


What Matrix Persona Are You?
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Now that's what I'm talking about!

I don't want to HAVE to work over the summer.
I don't want to HAVE to do anything over the summer.
So last night I sat down with my finances and worked them out for the coming year.
I've worked out for next term if I spend $40 a week or under, I can be almost £500 in credit via student loan by the summer.
How cool is that.
As long as I'm not going to go crazy I can actually live here and not HAVE to work.
£40 a week may not sound like a lot, but say £40's shopping will last me a month, maybe a bit less.
So that's like £10 a week.
I shop well huh?
Well anyway, I am really going to try for that, because all this being in my overdraft shit is really annoying.
I hate being as overdrawn as I am, because it means I just can't do certain things.
Next year I'm going to stop going crazy.
Everyone goes crazy in there first year.
Well I'm not going to go crazy in my first year.
I'm going to go crazy in my first term - which I have.
Now I'm going to stop, chill out and get back on top of things.

I was watching some program on teen suicide last night.
How pathetic it was.
This little rich boys and girls preaching how bad their lives are.
There was even a 20 year old guy on there.
It's like grow up.
If you want to commit suicide you are the shallowest, and most cowardly person ever, and you just don't deserve a live, that 1,000's of people would die to have.
To have the choice to live or die, when there are children and people every day dying of diseases and starvation not having that choice is completely selfish.
People like you don't deserve a life it's a simple as that.
Of course the majority of you, have no intention of killing yourself because simply you love the attention.
You crave the attention.
I know suicide.
My Dad tried to commit suicide twice.
Did he sing about it?
No.
Did he tell anyone?
No.
He tried it quietly and thankfully he was caught in time.
Now I'm not being a hypocrite I think my Dad is cowardly and selfish too.
He even admits this, selfless acts are not my Dad's speciality.
But he is my Dad, and as little as I understnad about the human condition I accept he is my father, and I can't help but love him to bits - despite the shit he's put everyone through.
So to all you "depressed" "suicidal" teens out there.
Grow up.
Stop snivelling, stop feeling sorry for yourself, and realise that everyday there are people worse of than you can even coprehend in your selfsih existences.
Those people don't think about how bad things are, or even how bad things are goign to be tommorrow - they just accept that is there life and they appreciate every single second they have, because tommorrow it may be gone.

"A flower doesn't care what it has or doesn't have...
it just is."

Read the title and weep.
I am not against Bush coming to England.
I love America.
I love the way they do what we all do deep down - look after themselves.

What really pisses me off is the hypocrites that run down to London and oppose war, oppose the capitalist government, and generally make a nuisance of themselves.

ATTENTION TO EVERYONE WHO DOES IT:
YOU ARE A HYPOCRITE.

You live in the Western world by choice.
The western world from the beginning has lived off the misfortune of others, the poverty and destruction of other countrys to heighten and support its own people.

How can you say you disagree with war, when you drink out of milk cartons made from the very oil that the governement is stealing from other countries.
After all, oil is what this war is meant to be about right?
Yes the governments are making profit, the giant oil companies are going even further into power, but they are supporting your way of life.

You have a choice.
You don't have to live in this society.
You don't have to be part of this evil capitalist government.
But you CHOOSE to be.
Admittedly, the alternative is difficult, but everyday for the Iraq's that you feel so sorry for is difficult.
Everyday is difficult, for the 20,000 children that die of mal-nutrition every fucking day.
But they have NO choice.
Do you think for a moment that they wouldn't trade places with you?
You think because they are morally clean, being part of a shit state that can't afford to steal of any other country, or is under terror control that they feel somwhat enlightened?
They hate the western world because we steal from them where they cannot steal from us.
We are primitve.
The strong shall devour the weak.
Why do we try and disillusion ourselves that we are no longer animals.
Just because we can drive cars, and fly rockets, suddenly we are no longer animals.
We no longer obey our primitive instincts.
Bullshit.

So make that choice.
Personally I think MY CAPITALIST EVIL SOCIETY would be a lot better without any of you hypocritical opinionated hippies.
Wake up the 1960's are over.
And don't dare compare yourself to change.
"Change wouldn't happen if people didn't protest, look at Martin Luther King."
He was willing to die for his cause.
And he did.
He made the change.

Most of you guys can barely be assed to make the effort to get down to London, and the ones that do you really think your making "a change" protesting a mile away from Bush?

Wake up.
You want to make a change, make one.
Stop talking about it.

Action + Response = Consequence

No Action = No Response = No Consequence.

On reflection of the weekend...

D2 arrived, as did Illbleed and Death Crimson OX.
And Tommy Boy.

Reviews:

Let's start with the easy one, Tommy Boy.
This has been one of my favorite movies for a very long time. Starring the late Chris Farley, it just has the right amount of comedy material that is stupid (like someone hitting themselves on the head.) along with the amazing sarcasm that has me in stitches.
No matter how many times I see this movie (and I've seen it a lot!) I always find myself in hysterics.
Top movie, I'd recommend it to anyone.
10 / 10
Can't knock this movie, it'll cheer you up, it'll make you laugh, and it'll amke you look for more Chris Farley films.

Now Death Crimson OX - as I thought it would be a mediocre shoot em up, baring more than a resemblence to House Of The Dead 2.
But with only 3 lightgun games on Dreamcast (including this one.) I felt I had to get it.
I haven't actually played it much yet - so I'll see.
Average game, with potential....TO BE RATED.

D2 - one word, wow.
It takes you on a complete journey, building up powerful relationships with the characters, only to tear them from you.
One of the mst powerful storylines in a game I have experinced if a little erratic at times.
The emphasis on hunting for foo d, in the first few discs, really makes you feel like you are stuck in Northern Canada.
When you first stumble across your plane wreck, your genuinely shocked, all the blood covering the floor , bodies everywhere - this game really does make you feel isolated.
It took me a few days to get through, and I playe dit non-stop, I fouynd myself isolating myself from the world, cuddling up tight in a blanket, because the constant whistling of the wind, and the crunching underfoot as you walk through the snow, actually starts to make you feel cold.
The mass amount of cut scenes are great, they actually make you feel like you are deciding what to do in your own movie, and the storyline - what a twist.

Right from the beginning you realise there's something strange about Laura (the character you control) as you don't speak at all, and everytime shit goes wrong, you black out to this soothing voice.
Then you start having visions, and a shining light protects you from danger.
When you reach you mother's lab, you realise she was a genetic scientist and had found the remains of a "winged human" in the body of a preserved wolly mammoth.
This "winged being" (an angel) she took samples of DNA from it's preserved body and impregnated herself to give birth to you.
It's such a mind fuck, the "child born across time" must stop the earth from destruction.
And the end boss, one of the finest ever.
The way he fucks with your mind - takes away your vision, hearing, movement it just really sketches you out - you really do feel helpless as you see his health bar just niggle a little bit from your best shots.
The game really wanted to be religious but, I don't blame it for not being.
With computer games its so easy to build up controversy, and the game is unique enough by itself.
But I'd recommend it to anyone.
It really takes you on a journey.
9 / 10
Massive game, that'll take you ages, and involving storyline.

Illbleed, great game.
Although I do find myself agreeing with the reviews that the battle system is faulted, I think the overall presentation of the game, is amazing.
There are two major faults with the game - well not major faults but faults that if they weer not there would make this game more respected.
1) the aforementioned battle system - which in tendency to the game is often, but clearly neccessary.
2) the manga presentation.
Now don't get me wrong I don't mind Manga, but I think the manga really takes away from the game being very scary.
You can't familiarize yourself with manga charcters because they are cartoons, but with say Claire Redfield from the infamous Code Veronica, you find yourself relating to her kind of, because she's human.
A minor niggle, but I only really critise games that have so much potential as this one clearly does.
It is genuinely shocking, and scary, the "traps " are very unique and creative, and make you jump, then laugh.
Essential that you play in the dark, and although you do get the feeling it is kind of a "t ake-the-piss" if you take it seriously they build you up to confrontations.
It's got a lot of replay value, but unfortunately the game is not structured for replay.
Replay value, in the form of "Time Attack" would've been a great addition to the game, as opposed to having to start over everytime you play, and the build your character up, with operations, to have a more steady heart rate and the likes really would've made the game powerful to replay through, as you learn where more of the traps are you'd be flying through the levels clocking times lower and lower.
I really think the game has a lot of potential, and is definetly a refreshing change from typical Resident Evil clones, but its potential was lost more to the fact that Dreamcast was almost "dead" when it was released than quality of game.
It's a real shame.
I have mostly wrote about the bad, but that's only because I think it is amazing, and this faults would make it truly revolutionary.
(Well revolutionary in my eyes, unfortunately the games market doesn't like change -e.g. Tomb Raider XIII, FIFA Football 2010)
8 - 9 / 10
Worth owning if you've got a Dreamcast.

*sigh*
I can't be bothered.

Some days I just wanna up and call it quits,
I feel like I’m surrounded by a wall of bricks,
Everytime I go to get up I just fall in piss,
My life’s like one great big ball of shit,
If I could just put it all in all I spit,
Instead I always try to swallow it,
Instead of staring at this wall and shit,
While I sit writers block sick of all this shit,
Cant call it shit...

What is a consequence?
It's the result of an action.
But it's not only just the result of an action, its the result of an action and a response.
A response to an action, can be physical or otherwise but it is not a consequence.
A response is a reply or answer, or in meaning of wording - an acknowledgement of the action.

A consequence however, is a natural reaction or logical result to any given action.
A response to an action is required, one must acknowledge the action before they can understand/reap the consequence.
Without a response the action goes unnoticed.
And there can be no consequence to the action.

Example:
I buy sweets (Action)
+
I eat sweets (Response)
=
Sweets are gone (Consequence)

"We must understand actions have consequences."

This says exactly what I have said but using a different word - understand.

By understanding our actions we are subconsciously or consciously respond to them.
Then there is the consequence.

Can we understand other people's actions?
We can interpret other people's actions and respond to them accordingly and sometimes we may even reach the same consequence (conclusion) they did.

But we can never be that person.

And we should understand that because we can reach similar or identical consequences for actions, it doesn't mean we are alike and respond alike.

I'm nothing like you.
We may respond the same way to eating sweets, but that is just one action.
Think of all of the millions upon millions of different actions every single one of us does every single day.
Not every single person responds in the same way and reaches the same consequence.

So how can anyone ever understand me?

Reality?
That feeling you get sometimes of being completely alone isn't paranoia its a moment of clarity.
It disappears into the unconscious again - because you don't want to beleive it.
Your conscious mind tells you your not alone, that your like everyone else, that you think respond and act like everyone else...
and so you try to fit in.

Keep trying...
you might even convince yourself one day.

What a weekend.
Well, Saturday I actually decided to play through Code Veronica again because I just need to getinto my whole survival horror phase of mind.
I completed the first disc, then turned it off.
Rented a movie called The Hills Have Eyes.
It was really good, it's an old movie (1978) so the graphics leave something to be desired, but if you are relatively intelligient, you can realise that special effects ain't everything (pay attention Lord Of The Rings lovers.) it is a very good movie, and althoguh perhaps a little cliched, it's films like this that began cliches.
(It's dated 1978!)

I've got painting this week, which is shit.
Already I don't feel like existing in the same class.
The teacher is the head of our course, and he doesn't like me.
I was like 10 minutes late and he was all up in my face.
He wants to watch his step or I'll give him a heart attack.
Been listening to a lot of Xzibit, a track called Carry On from The Speed Of Life album is really amazing.
Grrr...the other bad thing about painting is unlike every other project you have to literally be in ALL day everyday.
I really don't think I'll be taking this next year, so it looks like I'll be doing printmaking.
Some people may call me a part timer or something, but I just can't be fucked to stay in all day, I can work better at home in my own environment where I can smoke, eat, drink, piss, do whatever the fuck I want.
How can we be artists if we have so many restrictions in the studio.
Still feels like I'm at fucking school.

Well anyway I better get back to fucking class before they go nuts.
I will update later, a more detailed entry because I have some thoughts on things, plus my knew equation,
Action + Response = Consequence.

4 hours of Resident Evil:Code Veronica gone.
She died.
Stupid bitch died.
But in happier news I got the "4th Survivor" mode in Resident Evil 2.

I love the secrets...
This is the way I did it...
Didn't use any special weapons or first aid sprays and did it in under 2 hours and a half, to get an A grade.

Pretty uneventful weekend planned, pleading with the gods for D2 to arrive, (it should arrive Saturday morning!) and pleading with any mother fucker who will listen for my Dreamcast Mouse to arrive - so I can lay the Smackdown world war II style in Hidden and Dangerous.

I have my seminar today, it's going to be difficult at best, and I've been assigned my essay....
only 2000 words long so it's good.

Playing all this survival horror, has actually made me believe I live in a city overrun by zombies.
it's not difficult to imagine really, what are zombies - people cut off from the rest of society.
Alright, so they eat people too, but ignore that and look at the socialistic idea of a zombie, a person who because of their appearance and characteristics have been outcast from society.
But unlike a normal outcast of society, they have the ability to reverse their unfortunate situation so they can turn the people that outcast them in to the outcasts.
I walk the corridors at University, blankly looking past thousand yard stares, unsatisified with what is presented before me.
I lay in my bedroom locked away from everything, barely moving, barely associating with anything that is by definition alive.
In the weeks passed, my Dreamcast has been my key to society.
Teaching me valuable lessons with reservations on green herbs and ammunition.
I no longer want to live in this empty world where I go about everyday with nothing happening.
Nothing ever happens.
It is like survivng mental torture.
Not survival horror, it's a test.

Okay that's enough.
I don't really believe any of that.
I was seeing if I can trick everyone into thinking I'd gone so mad I was trying to turn a zombie into a socially accepted idol.
I'm off - aight!